Thursday, February 25, 2010

Say it ain't so, Pete.

Peter Pascarelli - my favorite baseball analyst - was removed from ESPN.com's Baseball Today podcast recently for sarcastic comments he made about the commissioner of baseball.

Even after Peter went on-air a few days after the comments to graciously apologize, ESPN not only removed him from the show, but has, as of today, given no explanation or made mention of the debacle. Today, the newest episode aired without a trace of Pascarelli's presence; even the host and producer pretended he'd never existed - all at the behest of some faceless higher-ups (MLB + ESPN), no doubt.

Here is an old-school baseball man that loves the game more than anyone I can think of. He lives and breathes the sport - this is apparent by listening to five minutes of him talk to his old pals Jim Leyland, or Bobby Cox, or any of the other old-time baseball men that don't give the type of interviews Peter gets to anyone but Peter (except maybe Gammons). I didn't always agree with him - Barry Larkin is easily a Hall of Famer - but he brought an endearing, human quality to his work that drew me in. I don't know how else to describe him, but this is the internet. If you're interested, have a fun Google search, and I'll see you back here in a few minutes.

This event, in the face of a cynical, holier-than-thou sports world that has forgiven the deeds of Mark McGwire, Michael Vick, and Marv Albert, directly after defaming and shaming them, will not go undetected.

I don't judge those men - their lives and deeds are their own to figure out, regardless of their fame or fortune. However, if they can make mistakes and continue in their profession in any capacity, then that standard should apply to the media that brings said sports into our lives. A couple of mild-mannered, sarcastic jabs about an authority figure should not cost a man his passion and livelihood. Bud Selig should be able take a joke - he owns the Brewers, and they haven't been relevant in a postseason since Milli Vanilli.

Peter Pascarelli's dismissal has made me seriously (and sadly) reconsider the time and energy I devote to professional sports.

Bored of hearing about steroids and strikes, I tried to give up sports a few years ago. I picked up acting in local community theater - small time, non-paid stuff, but it was fun, time-consuming, and it allowed me to meet my wife (in a Woody Allen play, no less). Acting distracted me from what I couldn't stomach any longer: the greed and excess involved with professional sports.

Too much about sports is glitz, glamour, and hype, sex, pressure, and fame. The primary reason, I believe, is simple: there is too much money in sports. I could expand on that point for days and days, but there is no denying that money lords over every aspect of the sporting world. Labor disputes, contract squabbles, college athletes that can't pay bills but make millions for schools that are already brimming with cash-heavy boosters, secret houses owned by married men for the purpose of anonymous group sex - these are some of the side effects of pouring way too much scrilla into what should be a respectable, lucrative livelihood, not one that dictates a person like me will get to see 3 games next year, all on someone else's dime, because I can't afford a $25 nosebleed.

I mean, sure, I could go watch Little League and stop bothering with Major League Baseball, but I'm addicted. It's like Lay's potato chips. You can give me other chips, and I'll declare my satisfaction, polish off the bag, and pat my stomach. Deep inside my heart, though, I always wish it could have been Lay's. I have to be honest - I'm not really sure why I feel this way. Maybe it's the skill level, maybe it's the ease with which I can turn on a TV or radio and have my fix 24 hours a day.

I do wish I could find the satisfaction I get out of watching a baseball game doing something else, but I haven't found that thing. I've looked. Believe me. The closest thing I've found is NBA or NFL games. Delightful.

Baseball was the first sport I ever cared about. I started watching intently after my father took me to a Cubs spring training game when I was 11. I still carry the ticket stub around in my wallet. I used to lay awake at night, buried in sheets, a flashlight on, coming up with strange, long lists of all-star teams comprised of hitters and pitchers I'd only read about or watched on old VHS tapes. There was no internet when I was a kid, no satellite TV. I didn't have a concrete, justifiable reason for hoarding stacks of paper peppered with names like Hornsby, DiMaggio, and Mays, so I hid the lists and never spoke to anyone about them. My little brother knew about them, but he didn't pay much attention to my nerd shenanigans back then. We co-manage several fantasy teams, currently.

After that Cubs game, I breathed baseball. I read it, watched it, wished like hell I could play it well. I forsook school work, chores, and friendships, many a time because I had Howard Cosell's autobiography at home to read, and that was more interesting than playing Mike Tyson's Punch Out with my mother's daycare kids.

Baseball became the one constant I desperately needed, since my teenage life was, as teenage lives go, swirling in desolate confusion and self-doubt. I came to enjoy and appreciate ESPN; my unequivocal favorite hour of television was the Dan Patrick-Keith Olbermann anchored Sportscenter episodes.

As I entered my twenties, I scratched out a few feeble lines of successful dialog with the opposite sex, stumbled into a steady girlfriend, and left baseball behind. Subsequently (but not necessarily relative to the woman), drinking became my number one hobby. Going to bars, one would figure I'd end up getting interested in sports again. I didn't. The only thing that interested me was numbing out an existence I am still perpetually inches away from understanding.

After the ebb and flow of day-to-day life - skipping college to work at shitty restaurant jobs and drink - really began to beat me down, who was there for me? Baseball. It was like all those rookie cards sheathed in plastic I'd kept under my pillow as an adolescent were still there, reassuring me that after the carnival of ridiculousness was over, I'd always have something to look forward to.

Fantasy football helped me really re-discover sports on a "yes, I'm wearing a basketball jersey all day today but I won't be playing basketball in it" level. Fantasy sports gave me the opportunity not only to make up imaginary lists of players, but to pit my lists against other people's... well, it worked for me, and it still does. It shuts my brain off, and I need that.

When I quit drinking, thanks to my wife, baseball was still there. Ignoring my disdain for excessive competition and the almighty American drive to make a buck, I re-invested in the game.

Last year was my first playing fantasy baseball, and I really liked it. I'd been wanting to play for years, but I was worried about the 162 game schedule, and how it'd affect my then-super-new marriage. My wife knew I liked sports when we met, but after we married, it's been as if I'm embarking incredibly slowly on a drawn-out mid-life crisis, constantly listening to old hip-hop from the mid-1990s and watching as much baseball as my eyeballs could digest.

During last baseball season, I got a job doing internet sales for a music instrument shop. I basically post stuff on eBay all day and then get messages from people that know 4563349750332 times more information about the products than I do. In doing this, I started listening to several sports podcasts on ESPN.com. I listened to a couple a day at first, but at this point - as of today, I mean - I'd say a good six or seven hours of my workday is filled with these podcasts, and they're great. Much of the time, they're more about games than the dumb drama that literally caused me to abhor another youthful fancy: working in sports as a journalist. I knew that I'd have to cover _________ _______'s rape trial, or extramarital affairs, or other things THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ACTUAL GAMES, whether I liked it or not.

The problem remains, however: what am I going to do without those podcasts?

Sure, I listen to NPR every once in awhile, but I can only take so much bad news and politicking. There are other options, but presently, my concern is elsewhere.

I'm going to miss Peter Pascarelli, and I'm not sure who to blame. I've written ESPN, and I'm going to axe the Baseball Today podcast from my routine. Aside from that, I'm not sure what else I can do.

There is the possibility that Peter himself simply decided enough was enough, that he couldn't utter even the most innocuous of salty barbs, and he was done dealing anything that didn't have to do with a ball, a bat, and a few warm hours of sunshine. I hope that's the case. He deserves better than this, and so do his fans.

I'm tired of a country and culture where censorship is only illegal if the subject material is palatable to a ten-year-old. I do not want my sports or sports personalities whitewashed for the purpose of preserving good working relationships with super-rich, super-sensitive, PC fools. The United States is GREAT because it allows us to be FREE. WE CAN SAY AND WRITE WHATEVER WE WANT. I don't remember there being an asterisk in the Bill of Rights.

Don Imus has a radio show today. Peter Pascarelli does not.

Fuck the world that allows something like this to happen.

Monday, February 1, 2010

I'm Warning You... Kurt To the Hall, Inevitably!

-- by Brandon Huigens

Photobucket

The last few money-thin years, it's been difficult for me to get out to the stadium in Glendale to see Arizona Cardinals football games. Still, I've been to a few, and I've seen every Cards game on television for the last ten years. You could say I bleed Cardinal red, but it's likely I dig that pun more than you do.

A non-stop baseball fanatic, I started paying attention to the NFL just after '98, when Jake Plummer and the Cardiac Cards administered a beatdown to the hated Cowboys in the first round of the playoffs. About three years later, I began playing fantasy football, and my addiction to sports hit the Knight Rider Turbo Boost button. I've read Moneyball, Bill Simmons' Book of Basketball, The Bill James Baseball Abstract, and I have a big, glossy picture book of Jerry Rice, which I broke out last year during the Cards' magical Super Bowl run to compare photographs of the G.O.A.T. with our own beloved birdcatcher, Larry Fitzgerald.

QUICK NOTE: TERRELL OWENS IS NOT, IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM, THE EQUAL OF JERRY RICE, NO MATTER WHO EITHER'S QB WAS. HELL, I'D TAKE STEVE LARGENT, TIM BROWN, OR LYNN SWANN OVER T.O. Having said that, I sometimes dislike his off-the-field antics, but I like that he has created so much FUN over the years, inappropriate or not. He did do that. Plus he brought us a digital avalanche of Ed Werner Sportscenter Breaking News bits. I'm moderately indifferent about the Werder thing.

Anyway, there: I've made my case for having the acumen and knowledge to make the following statement: Kurt Warner is a Hall of Famer, no question.

For those arguing my apparent homerism: I thought when the Cardinals signed Kurt Warner, it was a total joke; a meager, inconsequential roster move for a post-gleaming-flash-in-the-pan, and that USC bad ass Matt Leinart was easily the present AND future of the Redbirds.

A few years ago, I had a conversation with the biggest Cards fan I know, Mike Banks, about Warner seeming almost smug in his confidence during the last battle between him and Lawn Dart for the top spot. We both felt that between Warner's dismal stint with the Giants, where often times, he looked as if he had gone to a pistol duel with a squirt gun, and the way he wasn't able to stay healthy for the middle part of the Aughts, he wasn't going to offer much behind some decent tutelege for Leinart.

The man with the fastest under-pressue football release I've ever seen simply looked as if he'd taken too many hits over the course of his celebrated, storybook career, and I was more excited about Edgerrin James getting a 300-sack of carries. In just a handful of years, however, Kurt Warner would become the heart and soul of a football team with a fan base terribly accustomed to 6-10 seasons being bookended with poor draft picks (Andre Wadsworth, Wendall Bryant, Alan Branch) and managements' inability to keep scads of competent players (Garrison Hearst, Simeon Rice, Thomas Jones, Calvin Pace) in AZ.

By now, everyone knows Warner's story - most passing yards in a playoff campaign (1156 in '08), fastest to throw for 10,000 yards, fastest to throw for 30,000, 2 MVPs, 5 Pro Bowls, a ring, and one Pippen/Jordan super-bond with Fitz. Warner also holds the record for number of times thanking God/Jesus for something religion has nothing to do with, but he seems like a genuine person with uncanny compassion. When Anquan Boldin's face was smashed vs. the Jets in '08, KW talked about retirement. I'm not sure I've ever heard another athlete publicly admit their athletic mortality being exclusively tied into a teammate's well-being. It's a hell of a thing, for a man to not only be an incredible athlete, but a truly compassionate person. Talking about what's right is easy, but following through? It happens less than anyone will ever explain to you.

KW meant a world to a sports community that hadn't seen this type of transcendental superstar since Charles Barkley's short-but-wonderful run with the Suns, and one that was starved for not only winning football, but a smart, competitive team that brought heart each week. This isn't a scene where everyone embraces local teams no matter what, like Green Bay or Pittsburgh. In the wild card game this year, when the Cards trotted out Frank Sanders - a stalwart Cards wide receiver during the sh**storm early 1990s - the applause was non-existent. In Arizona, where winning is all that matters, Warner was seemingly able to will his team to victory - an intangible shared by few, and almost exclusively shared with players who are already enshrined in the Hall.

Warner didn't fix everything, as the only defense worse than that of the Mike D'Antoni 7-Seconds-Or-Less Suns teams eventually proved our downfall in his last two seasons - more so in the recent NFC Championship game loss to the Saints. At least in '08, the D turned it way, way up when the playoffs got under way. In St. Louis, injuries and a young, super-charged Marc Bulger did him in; the Giants basically made him a casualty of their monumental trade for Eli Manning, which ended up totally working, if only for the one unbelievable Super Bowl game (good job, Giants).

Assuming the argument against Warner is based on his performance through 2001 through 2007, when injuries, and returning from injuries too soon, wiped out a fat chunk of six seasons. Warner's NFL career started at the late age of 28 after stints in the CFL and as a grocery stocker, leaving him with, what, 6 or 7 full seasons of decent football, after having NOT been drafted? Remember, Warner started off winning a championship in his first NFL season, and make no mistake - that team wasn't going to win a chip with Trent Green installed as QB1. During the '01 to '07 span, he only won 13 games against 29 losses, but again - injuries, injuries, injuries. When he was healthy, Kurt was cash money, up there with the best of 'em.

For comparison's sake, take Pittsburgh's favorite son, Terry Bradshaw, one of the top 10 all-time great NFL signal callers. Drafted number one in 1970, it took Bradshaw - who would win 4 rings, 2 Super Bowl MVPs, and 1978 regular season MVP - four seasons to finally get a hold on the position. When he did ('74), the Steelers won 8 AFC Central championships. Taking into consideration that Bradshaw played 14 seasons, that leaves him with 10 full seasons - easily enough to warrant a Hall of Fame career. Broadway Joe Namath played 12 seasons, and has similar accolades (1 ring, 5 All Star/Pro Bowls, 2 MVP awards, 3 Super Bowl appearances), but his overall career stats pale in comparison to Warner's:

Kurt: TD - INT 208 - 128, Yards 32,344, 9-4 Playoff Record

Joe: TD - INT 173-220, Yards 27,663, 2-1 Playoff Record

Looking at those lines, it's easy to concede Warner is an all-timer, isn't it? It almost makes me feel like an idiot for thinking the guy was washed up just a few years after being the architect of The Greatest Show On Turf. It should make whomever is arguing this point eat their words like Joey Chestnut going down on a tank of alphabet hot dog soup.

While the past five years have netted both phenomenal results for the Cardinals via the draft, and solid decisions on re-signing franchise cornerstones like Adrian Wilson and Darnell Dockett, the best move of the bunch was signing Warner, and I'll tell you: it's satisfying as hell to have been wrong.

Thanks for the memories, Kurt - especially your last home game - you flashed some Ted Williams-meets-Joe-Montana balls in The Roaster in the Toaster. We know it'll be a long time before we make it back to the big one.



I hope in the years to come, you let everyone know that you liked throwing to Fitz, Q, and Breaston way more than Isaac Bruce, Torry Holt, and Az Hakim.

Now, folks: let's strap in for a season of Matt Leinart, which I (shakily) think is not the worst of scenarios. Considering the awkward career trajectories of Vince Young and Jay Cutler, fellow QB draftees of the still-young Leinart, there's plenty of time for the guy to develop while throwing to some dangerous weapons. Here's hoping we don't draft Tebow, sign Julius Peppers, re-sign Karlos Dansby (or drop him and get Shawne Merriman), trade Anquan Boldin for a sweet, sweet defensive end, and we watch Early Doucet break the $%&@ out.

And old Lawn Dart's arm is strong enough to get it to Fitz when he breaks free 16 yards down field.